R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
