i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
