Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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