i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
