and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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