I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
