dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
did i just pee glitter
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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