i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
