I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
