Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize