i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
