she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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