fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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