she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
