dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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