Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
