You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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