So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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