I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
