If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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