I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
