JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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