the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
