we have officially lost it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
