During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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