I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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