So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
