I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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