She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize