I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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