Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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