i think my mom watched the whole time
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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