it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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