Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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