He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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