Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
