i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
