just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
