new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
