Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
