Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no. you can't hotbox the world.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize