This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
