Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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