Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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