Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
