THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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