And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
