I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize