Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize