can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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