I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
