do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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