I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
