the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
