it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
