So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
