Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
