you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
