i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
