wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
