I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are we still banned from the library?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
