you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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