i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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