Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
