Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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