i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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