I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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