You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
