I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
