i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
