I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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