Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
