I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
