My balls are so social today.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
