my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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