I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
